February 26, 2007

  • Rambling


    My mind?

    Been on here now for 2-1/2 years, do I feel I understand me any better?  I just don’t know.
    This blog is for me, but I have felt like I need to entertain you–weird.  Winter wreaked havoc again, but it is February and Spring needs to come.  The grayness, the blandness seems to have overtaken my soul.

    I get down on me, and sometimes my humor can be very self-deprecating.  I’m 54, I need to lose weight,
    and I’ve never decided what the hell I want to be when I grow up.  I live on disability right now.
    I have good things like honesty, love, and more; I do have optimism that despite all else, good will happen if I just give it a chance.

    My mind most of the time seems to be going a million miles per hour, I sorely need to learn how to slow it down to simmer, and quiet my mind.  I need to remember that Xanga is not my whole life-sometimes it seems that way.

    I am lonely a lot of the time, even though I love my own company.  I haven’t been with a man for a very long time.
    I need to lose weight, I need to quit smoking, I need a lot more patience.  I am not needy.  I love feeling accepted,
    which comes from an old tape that plays sometimes.  I want to let more of the inner me out, and be who
    I really am.  I feel very vulnerable opening up so much.  I am afraid of hurt.  There are good things in my life,
    but I want more.  I want to share life with a special someone, but I am very stubborn.

    This is enough for now, I need to go to bed.

    I love you!!

    Update Monday morning

    What’s draining your energy?

    “Energy is equal to desire and purpose.”

    – Sheryl Adams

    What people, events or things drain your energy? What part
    of you is not going with the flow? What are you resisting?

    Plug your energy leaks and experience what it feels like to
    work on all cylinders.

    For a list of energy drains and energy boosters, visit

    http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/endrnrs.shtml

    http://www.higherawareness.com/lists/enbldrs.shtml

    “Everything you are against weakens you. Everything you are
    for empowers you.”

    – Wayne Dyer

    At Higher Awareness, we offer inspiring, thought-provoking
    emails to support your successful completion of each program. Consistent focused
    attention is the key to change. Try a few of our programs. Be inspired and supported daily!

Comments (41)

  • Life is a journey to reach the ultimate goal, happiness.   Happiness comes from accepting who we are and liking who we are.   That sometimes means we need to change to be what we want.   

    Once we’re happy with who we are, we’re ready to die.     At least we die happy.

  • Beautiful New Background!!! Your writing is always fabulous…you make the world shine!!! Wishing you all the happiness your heart can hold, music, magic, sunshine, love & laughter…& may “all” your dreams come true…(((Angel Hugs!!!))):heartbeat:

    P.S. What a treat to have you stop by with your lovely words…thank-you!!!:sunny::):sunny:

  • I get that way, a lot more lately. I feel useless now that I don’t have a job. Ugh!

    I think you are a wonderful inspiration!! have a great week!

  • I’m looking for that special someone too.

    I guess we’re in the same boat.

    .

  • So stop entertaining us… as Dr. Phil would say, its time to get real… lol.. I think you have probably been avoiding saying what you just said… so now tha it is out, go with and keep searching your soul… you’ll get where you’re headed… don’t get sidetracked…

  • I know what you mean about the feeling to entertain others…when you feel that it is a job & you have to do certain things, it kind of takes the whole meaning out of it.
    I know exactly what you are saying too…about being alone, yet being stubborn, yet wanting to share…awww…sweetie…there is so much to life….(((hugs))) You just need to focus on what you want the most right now & then go for that…then on to the next thing.
    :sunny:

  • I feel that way too and I’m married so that shows you that that isn’t a fix.

    I remind myself my job is to live life and not to change the world.

    Realizing that takes pressure off of me. I like the blog cause we are in this together and you’re not alone -we are here with you

  • RYC—THAT probably works for you because you’re straight up whitebread…yiou gotta remember i write from street level, straight up ghetto:lol:  The godless where i grew up have no fear of death, jail or most anything else, so there ain’t gonna be any EVOLVING morals for them:rolleyes:

    You’re ABOUT to hit the Xanga plateau and then you’ll just get into a once a week/month pattern…although i don’t know IF that hold true for women.  i only do one page of subs and answer comments now…Xanga fame = zilch:laugh:

  • Feels like you nailed me quite well. So… what do we do here? I’m open to suggestions, myself. Tell you what, I’ll go think some more and if I come up with anything, I’ll let you know. And if you come up with anything, you let me know. And we’ll support each other.

  • Morning Sunshine……………………..spring is coming so hang in there

    Always easier for me to feel good about things when the sun is shining (Las Vegas is great for that). I appreciate your comments and hope you realize that lots of us love and accept you. Smile and think of an oyster when you want patience…………..An oyster??????

    Yeah, they can take a minor irritation and turn it into something valuable………

  • Thank you so much for the comment!!!…..Hope you have a great monday!!

  • laurie. you inspire me. i don’t tell you that enough, don’t comment you enough - but you do.

    thank you for being here.

    -phil

  • i’ll have to check out those sites – thanks!!!  i’ve been trying to work through the book ‘The Artist’s Way’  very helpful so far!!!

  • Two and a half years is a good time. Before I forget, I love your wallpaper background – gorgeous tree. I loved being able to smell the trees grow when I was in St. Louis for the funeral last week. I am glad you are aware of your setbacks but still have the good things in mind, too. Turn the setbacks into goals and start systematically working toward them (I say as I sit back and do nothing). *big hugs*

  • need some support let me know ………….hugs………….and you don’t ramble………:):sunny::wave:

  • oh yeah god i know the snow…. now, today it is melting – i like it whilst it is snowing, and for the few pure moments thereafter – but when it becomes that grey/black grime from all of the plows, it just needs to melt.

    :heartbeat:

  • Ohhh pretty tree! (ryc: My background is a macro photo of an opal…that I made into a background.)
    I know the feeling you describe. :heartbeat:
    What is almost worse is when a post is made specifically to entertain, and gets almost no comments. Sometimes a photo post takes me better than an hour to get ready to post, not counting the tme it tok to take the photos, and then to get 1-3 comments or so makes me feel pretty let down. So I don’t do many of them anymore.

  • Ramble any time you need to. Many of us can relate to the things you said. You are not alone in how you feel. (I love the photo of your mind! )

    I’m sending :heartbeat: and :lol: your way today!

    Much love, :sunny:

  • People lying to me continuously drains me.. of everything.

  • Hi! I feel the same way as you do about xanga, that’s one of the reasons I don’t post much anymore. Thanks for the comment and peace!:sunny:

  • Liked your ramblings.  You mentioned “Long time no see”.  I have not been receiving my daily subscriptions from Xanga.  I missed them the whole month of December, and then got them for a couple of weeks in January.  And then they stopped again.  I think the problem is with my ISP provider, AT&T, but since I can’t get anyone to help me (from AT&T or from Xanga) I can’t be sure.  So I have been out of the loop.  I came in here today just to wander.  But I miss my daily subscriptions and I miss your posts probably most of all.

    Feel free to e-mail me some time.  I don’t have a chat or IM account.

  • Hi Laurie, that was a SUPER posting, we all should do that more often.  I do it, but I’m too much of a coward to make it public.  None of the other commenters seemed to be happy trying either.  I admire you for doing so.  You’re great.

  • everybody loves wayne dyer.  i only sorta kinda like him.

  • Enjoy your week!! :heartbeat:

  • RYC:  Thank you!  I’m halfway between excited and scared, to be perfectly honest… but most of what I’m scared of is being able to plan and afford a wedding…

    I wish that I have some wise all-encompassing answer to your post.  But if there is one, I sure haven’t discovered it yet.  We all have these self-doubts, the I shoulds or I wishes.  I have to say, though, it’s nice to know that there are others out there who feel the same way, and that it’s not my immaturity that drives those thoughts.  They’re difficult, if not impossible to dismiss.  But we’re not alone in them.

    Do you read PostSecret?  If not, I think you’d really enjoy it.  It’s my favorite weekly dose of “Hey, I’m not alone, even in my darkest secrets.”

  • hey there! :>) ryc: The photo is of a metal roof. I was under it looking up.

    Much love,

  • i love ya sweetie!

  • When I quit smoking I went to my doctor and he gave me bupropion (Zyban) and I never had any withdrawl or anything just stopped. If you are serious about stopping talk to your doctor about brupropion. Judi

  • i think blogging is a great way to discover your self. and others.

  • Laurie … do NOT entertain us! You are a true good soul and I soooo feel honored that you have touched my life — life is hard and it deals us what we can handle… you must be a tough chica

    MUAH

  • The true goal of welfare to work programs should be self-sufficiency.” ….Amen!!

  • Don’t be too sure. Xanga is a place where one person may openly tell truths his nearest and dearest doesn’t know, and another may tell the most fantastic of lies.

    But in any case keep the chin up. I have been laid flat a number of times, but whatever power created me keeps bringing me back to try again.

  • You live in disability , Laurie ? Really ? I didn’ t know .It s really a surprise for me  So I suppose you cannot work and your  situation must be in the precariousness . I am really surprised ( if I have well understood ). I hope you find a solution and you save your home .. But perhaps you are only in a low spirit time and very pessimistic .

    You have my support and encouragements .

    Love        Miche

  • Oh yes!  It is always loads of fun!  I’m not as excited about the line up this year and I have been, but they are not disappointing either.  I would love to go!

  • 2 1/2 years. Well, I know you better and you know me better. As far as quitting smoking…

    “As a young man I longed for the acceptance of learned gentleman and the love and adoration of beautiful women. But now I know all I really wanted was a smoke.”             -Dennis Potter “The Singing Detective”

  • Saw the welfare to work post & wanted to say hi.
    :sunny:

  • re: the post above…things are fucked up, i know.

    ryc: you are fucking hilarious and i love you

  • Hi, Laurie, take one day at a time! You may find the special someone but live for yourself now don’t wait for live is much to short. Love the new back ground!

  • I like your page:sunny::sunny::wave::fun::coolman:

  • HI!! THIS IS REALLY BEAUTIFUL IT MADE ME WANT TO CRY!! I AGREE WITH YOU WE ALL NEED A LOT OF THINGS BUT NOT ALL OF US CAN HAVE THEM, INCLUDING ME. BUT DON’T GIVE UP HOPE, ITS THE ONLY THING WE HAVE LEFT ANYMORE. EVENTUALLY YOU WILL HAVE ALL THAT YOU DESIRE OR WELL SOME OF IT ANYWAYS. TAKE CARE. OH BY THE WAY IF YOU HAVE ANY GOOD TIPS ON LOSING WEIGHT WILL YOU SHARE THEM, MAYBE WE CAN LOSE WEIGHT TOGETHER. :)

  • Hope your Wednesday is stree free!!

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