My daughter

REALLY missing my daughter today--came across more pictures and some odds and ends.  Brings the past on strong.  Before she left, at 16, to go to Hawaii, we had been having major problems, so the first year or two she was gone, I had a lot of unresolved anger issues.  I felt some relief that she was gone.  Now that she's been gone longer, I am very much feeling the empty nest syndrome, and have gnawing loneliness for her.  She has turned her life around-thank God, but we don't communicate much.  I feel like it's partially my fault, because when she was here, I wasn't a very good listener.  I was on the computer a lot.  I wish I could have those years back!! I love her sooooooooo much!  I miss my son and grand kids, too-been 2 years since I've seen all of them!

I think I need to communicate more with  her, sending her the occasional card or letter--need to start over again.  I DO have a lot of guilt feelings, which do me no good.  I have regrets, too, which gnaw at me, from time to time.  Her father has not been in her life much at all, and I feel guilty about that, too.  She never understood, until she was older, and I could tell her-why he didn't come to visit her!

I am still de-cluttering-there is so much to get rid of!  I am getting there, so I can sell off my stuff, and hopefully, go to Florida.  I don't know when, but hopefully it won't be too long?

I am tired, but think I will work for a while-maybe then, I can nap.  My mind keeps me from sleeping, as there are so many thoughts passing through...forgive me Trisha, and forgive me, God!

Dressers

Have 2 dressers completely empty of stuff, been sorting through things for a garage sale, did dishes, scrubbed cat puke spots, made garbage, and priced many items.  Tried to nap, but only rested, as there is a lot of noise coming from the car place that backs up to my apt.  Came across more photos, makes me miss my kids even more---really nostalgic today, and need to keep reminding myself to stay in the present moment!  Back is sore from being down on the floor so much, but more rest should help.

Much more to go through, I want to start fresh when I move to Tampa, with very little, to bog me down.  I would like to bring my cats there, they're family!  Will evenbtually have a big sale, and sell of most everything, except for the antiques.  Hope to make some decent money?!

I need to quit smoking, too-to save $240.00/mo--just wish it wasn't so hard to quit!!  The money I would save would come in pretty handy for when I move!

Sad

Been out of touch and down, but things can only get better...positive thinking and prayer work wonders!

Memorial

Today is the memorial for my Uncle Donn, he passed away a couple of months ago.  He had a good, long life, and always had a twinkle in his eyes!  Will be a chance to see other relatives I haven't seen in a while.

I got the pre-app from Tampa Housing Authority, in the mail yesterday--have already filled it out, and will mail it today!  I'm so hoping I can get down there before too long!?!  I know it's kind of expensive down there, but hopefully, my SSI will be more?! (The cost of living is higher, so maybe so?)  I MUST be by the ocean and palms!  Money-wise, I don't know how I'll afford to get down there, but I am going to sell most of my belongings, and save, and borrow.  If I have to eat peanut butter sandwiches here, and there, I will!!!

Questionnaire!

1. Who are you in the grand scheme of things?

2. Are we friends?

3. When and how did we meet?

4. Do you have a crush on me and if so, wanna make out?

5. Who's that Pokemon?

6. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.

7. Describe me in one word.

8. What was your first impression of me?

9. Do you still think that way about me now?

10. What reminds you of me?

11. If you could give me anything what would it be?

12. How well do you know me?

13. When's the last time you used common sense?

14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?

15. Are you going to put this on your Xanga and see what I say about you?