REALLY missing my daughter today–came across more pictures and some odds and ends. Brings the past on strong. Before she left, at 16, to go to Hawaii, we had been having major problems, so the first year or two she was gone, I had a lot of unresolved anger issues. I felt some relief that she was gone. Now that she’s been gone longer, I am very much feeling the empty nest syndrome, and have gnawing loneliness for her. She has turned her life around-thank God, but we don’t communicate much. I feel like it’s partially my fault, because when she was here, I wasn’t a very good listener. I was on the computer a lot. I wish I could have those years back!! I love her sooooooooo much! I miss my son and grand kids, too-been 2 years since I’ve seen all of them!
I think I need to communicate more with her, sending her the occasional card or letter–need to start over again. I DO have a lot of guilt feelings, which do me no good. I have regrets, too, which gnaw at me, from time to time. Her father has not been in her life much at all, and I feel guilty about that, too. She never understood, until she was older, and I could tell her-why he didn’t come to visit her!
I am still de-cluttering-there is so much to get rid of! I am getting there, so I can sell off my stuff, and hopefully, go to Florida. I don’t know when, but hopefully it won’t be too long?
I am tired, but think I will work for a while-maybe then, I can nap. My mind keeps me from sleeping, as there are so many thoughts passing through…forgive me Trisha, and forgive me, God!